As Valentine’s Day approaches do you find yourself shunning events filled with happy, gushing couples? Do you have the urge to shake your fist at PDAs or turn your nose up at anything resembling a red and pink heart or a fat baby in a diaper yielding a bow and arrows?
Don’t hide the fact that you’re totally single and proud of it on Valentine’s Day. In fact, coupled up or not, married or living the bachelor(ette) life, I personally find a self-proclaimed day of love a wee bit fabricated. So flaunt your independent nature loud and proud with these eight anti-Valentine’s Day party recipes…
The very idea of my husband down on one knee brandishing a box of chocolates in one hand and a stuffed teddy bear with a heart in the other makes me break into uncontrollable laughter. Why? Because it’s a total cheese ball thing to do. But who can resist a good cheese ball at a party, am I right? This particular cheese ball is seasoned with a fresh herbs, garlic, and peppery ranch coating. You can also coat it with roasted and eviscerated nuts, but the garlic will be the biggest F-U to V-Day. Be sure to provide an array of crackers and crudities for spreading.
Let’s face it ladies, it’s better to be single than to be saddled with a Sloppy Joe. Picking up his trail of dirty socks, ketchup smeared dishes, and (ekkk) skid stained underpants, nooooo thanks! However, you can party down with this messy sandwich without becoming a hot mess yourself. Enjoy a toasted burger bun piled high with chopped onions, celery, jalapeños, green bell pepper, garlic, and fried ground beef all slathered in a thick tomato sauce seasoned with ketchup, Tabasco sauce, and Worcestershire sauce.
Lover or hater, you have to appreciate the spirit of these anti-Valentine’s Day cupcakes! They may be a bit intimidating to look at, but trust me, once you take a bite out of that moist yellow cake with creamy chocolate buttercream icing, you’ll be distracted by an all new love obsession. Either way, you’ll “make a point” with your pot luck party contribution.
Cue the Bon Jovi and celebrate your independence with tender morsels of lamb on a stick. Did I mention that these meaty morsels are heart shaped and skewered deliciously for your enjoyment? These meatballs are perfectly spiced with parsley, onion, garlic, Worcestershire sauce, and Italian seasoning, and ripe for picking at your anti-Valentine’s Day shin dig.
A little sweet, but a whole lot spicy! Meet your anti-Valentine’s Day signature party cocktail. There’s nothing romantic about this infusion of triple spiced jalapeño Absolut Vodka, tart pomegranate juice, fresh lime, and the bold fizz of Italian blood orange soda. I recommend sipping a round of these while singing your heart out to your favorite anti-love song play list.
Maybe you just hate the thought of participating in another faux Valentine’s Day OR maybe you recently had your heart broken. Either way these skewered cake pop heads will ensure an (evil) giggle from your anti-V Day dinner guests while giving your ex his or her “just desserts”. After all, it’s healthy to work out your negative feelings, and you can do so by baking up a dozen or so mini cake balls and outfitting them to look like the loser who broke your heart. Use white chocolate candy frosting as your face canvas, red and black cake decorating markers for eyes and a mouth, cinnamon and cocoa powder for hair, and Hawaiian Punch powder as brain matter.
Ignore Beyonce. You don’t need a ring on it if your fingers are already preoccupied with these mouthwatering stout battered onion rings. You can put one on every single finger and eat them off one-by-one and you’ll be happy. You know why? Because these, unlike the gold, silver, or platinum variety taste like beer. Plus, they’re lightweight and crunchy so they won’t weight you down with unrealistic expectations of commitment. Offer a variety of dippers like spicy bbq sauce, tangy mustard, honey mustard, and sriracha ketchup…because your guests are free to sample them ALL!
An anti-Valentine’s Day bash wouldn’t be complete without a guest appearance from the Queen of Mean (yes, she is) Grumpy Cat. Everyone’s favorite feline curmudgeon gets the seat of honor at your party in cookie form. Bake your own using a pre-made sugar cookie base sprinkled with chocolate chips. You’ll need a special cat head cookie cutter for these, but it will be worth the adoring blush on your single guests’ faces. Add some pink and red cookie hearts to the mix with heart-warming sayings, like “I hate you”, “Nope”, and “Go Away”!